Day 84 - More chemo

Ok, it was no doubt much more comforting to go into chemo knowing that it's actually working (see last post). While I was at the hospital, I tried really hard not to vomit. I don't know why I do that...

During the whole day at the hospital, I only vomited 4 times. In comparison to some of the other chemo sessions, that is nothing. But I went through the whole day without eating or drinking anything. Not to mention that I was grumpy as hell, I don't think I said more than 10 senteces at all. I pretty much spent the whole day trying to hide from the smell of the hospital, from the smell of the hospital food and so on. I get pretty sensitive about how things smell and that often makes me vomit.

My strategy of hiding from the world worked. That's not a good thing though. When I got home my mom made some dinner. Guess what? I didn't even want to smell it. Needless to say that I didn't have dinner either. So around 10 pm I vomited for the last time that day. It was the first time I ever vomited blood. And it's not a pretty sight. So I got up, went to the kitchen and had a couple of bread slices with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. I felt better right away. The bottom line? Eat while doing chemo. It doesn't matter if you're going to puke it or not. In the end, it's better to vomit food than stomach juices, which hurt your thrat.

That was my 7th chemo, I have 9 to go. I am almost half way there! With the news from the last post, it's much easier to think the glass is half full.

I won't bend. I won't break.

Day 77 - Happy Friday the 13th

This post is pretty ironic, if you are superstitious anyway. Remember how I got to spend my birthday and Christmas Eve day at the hospital? Although I was happy to be surrounded by the people who love me, I know that circumstances could be better. I mean, I could be surrounded by my family and Raquel in Bora Bora. It's undeniable that the latter would be more pleasant.

Anyway, if my last birthday and Christmas were spent in the hospital, what to expect from a Friday the 13th? Well, I did spend a good chunk of my day at the hospital. But I got some wonderful news. I had that PET CT exam done again. I have already explained what it does, but in a nutshell, it scans your whole body for tumors. The results came out...

I don't have cancer anymore.

There is a small possibility that the exam would give false negative results, so the doctor said that I still had to go through 10 chemo sessions, which sounds like a lot, I know. But it's just good to know that we're headed the right direction. I feel like my team is up 6-0 in the beginning of the third period and we have 5 minutes of 5-on-3 hockey to play. The game is certainly not over, but things are looking pretty good. Just don't say shutout just yet...

I won't bend. I won't break.

Day 70 - I don't get it... ok, maybe I do

I had another chemo this week. I was mentally ready to feel like hell. Well, although I did puke several times at the hospital, I felt pretty good during the day. And the recovery was without a doubt the best one so far. Given the brief history of feeling crappy after chemo, a quick recovery was certainly unexpected. Although I was pretty good with my diet lately, I think I know what I did different this time.

A friend of mine used to live in Belgium. Apparently they have a miracle water fountain there (I tried to google it, but I couldn't find any references to it). It is located somewhere that was often used as a battlefield during one of the great wars and miracles were witnessed there. Today they have a park there and people from all over the world go there to get some holy water. My friend tells that you can see wheelchairs and crutches that people left behind because they got cured.

Anyway, her brother, who still lives in Belgium, came to Brazil and brought a few bottles of this miracle water. A couple of them found their way into my kitchen. My friend told me to drink a glass of it a day while praying. Although I have never been famous for going to church, or even praying, I decided to give it a shot. So before my chemo, I had some of the water and I asked God for strength.

I arrived at the hospital and the nurse was setting me up to start my chemo. I was thinking about the whole holy water story and I repeated mentally my prayer. That was when I felt something: I felt shivers followed by a comforting warmththe over my entire body. After that, I somehow knew for sure that I was going to be fine during and after chemo. I am pretty sure I will never be able to explain that. Despite my skepticism towards church in general, I can't help feeling much closer to God after this experience.

I won't bend. I won't break.