Days 54,55 - Rough, pretty freaking rough

I would like to believe that chemo was much rougher this time because I didn't follow my diet, or because I didn't drink the teas that I had been drinking. But for some reason I know it had nothing to do with that. My body is just not liking the poison.

This time I started puking even before they started giving me the drugs. According to the head nurse, some people react that way, period. Just the smell of the hospital made me sick. So I vomited countless times, until I had nothing left in my stomach to throw up. On top of feeling pretty rough, I couldn't help to feel angry at myself. I was mad because my body was taking chemo that roughly.

The next day was also pretty rough. Although I didn't throw up (which I am not sure if it's good or bad), I felt pretty ill all day long. Well, I was still angry at myself. Then I had a good conversation with Raquel about that; she argued that it just doesn't make sense to be mad. I have no control over how well (or poorly) my body takes the drugs and I should try to keep my spirits high, instead of being pissed off.

So I will try my best to do that from now on. In the mean time, pissed off or not, I will not bend. I will not break.