My plans of going to Switzerland had to be postponed. So a friend of mine, who teaches at the local university, suggested I applied for a masters program here; that way I could do it while doing chemo.
Although I will still try to do a masters in Switzerland next September, I decided to apply for the program here. Since my degree hasn't been validated, I might not even get in, but I tried nonetheless. Why not, eh?
I guess my point is that I cannot let this disease put me down. I need to live my life normally and that implies working, going to school, or whatever floats my boat. As Rocky Balboa would say "life is not about how hard you can hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving". Cheesy as hell, I know. But it's also true.
I will not bend. I will not break.
segunda-feira, 8 de dezembro de 2008
Day 9 - Back to Manaus
On Thursday I had to collect some more sperm for the Alpha Project; this name cracks me up, by the way (see earlier post). I will skip the detailed description this time. But keeping those buggers frozen is pretty damn expensive, I will tell you that.
My aunt (who I hadn't spoken to in like 10 years) was waiting me at the house I was staying; the same aunt who lost touch with the rest of the family. She brought her two kids (who are 12 and 9) and I had the opportunity to finally meet my cousins. And it's totally safe to say that I wouldn't have met them if I wasn't sick, nor would my aunt have gotten back in touch with the family. So, as I said before, not everything about Cancer is bad.
We spent the whole afternoon together and then she drove my dad and I to the airport. The flight was a little delayed (as usual in Brazil), but we got home safely. Raquel picked us up at the airport. Although it was nice in São Paulo, I missed home. It was good to be back.
I will not bend. I will not break.
My aunt (who I hadn't spoken to in like 10 years) was waiting me at the house I was staying; the same aunt who lost touch with the rest of the family. She brought her two kids (who are 12 and 9) and I had the opportunity to finally meet my cousins. And it's totally safe to say that I wouldn't have met them if I wasn't sick, nor would my aunt have gotten back in touch with the family. So, as I said before, not everything about Cancer is bad.
We spent the whole afternoon together and then she drove my dad and I to the airport. The flight was a little delayed (as usual in Brazil), but we got home safely. Raquel picked us up at the airport. Although it was nice in São Paulo, I missed home. It was good to be back.
I will not bend. I will not break.
Day 8 - Good book
Yesterday I bought a book called Anticancer (that's the name in Portuguese), by David Serva-Schreiber. He's a doctor who was diagnosed with brain cancer and was told that he had no more than 8 months left. He pretty much changed his lifestyle but it was well worth it; he's still alive and well. His book is about the changes he had to go through.
Since I was in São Paulo and had nothing else to do, I read the book in a couple of days. It has some great tips about how to eat properly (and the actualy scientific explanation on its effectiveness against Cancer).
So yeah, it's a good book for someone who has Cancer or who's close to someone who has.
I will not bend. I will not break.
Since I was in São Paulo and had nothing else to do, I read the book in a couple of days. It has some great tips about how to eat properly (and the actualy scientific explanation on its effectiveness against Cancer).
So yeah, it's a good book for someone who has Cancer or who's close to someone who has.
I will not bend. I will not break.
sexta-feira, 5 de dezembro de 2008
Day 7 - Sexy times
Ok, this one will be short and hopefully entertaining...
So I went in for freezing my sperm. The place was called The Alpha Project, which sort of sounds like this underground genetic project. They have an awesome office downtown São Paulo and the staff is quite friendly.
After going through the paperwork, they took me to the masturbation room, for the lack of a better term. It's pretty funny... they have a comfy couch in front of a TV, tons of erotic magazines and DVDs. They hand you this little cup and say "give 'er".
I found it a little bit embarrassing, in a funny way. I walked in the clinic with my dad, this 50 year old lady took me to the masturbation room, I spanked the monkey pretty good and finished in a little cup. Then I put the cup on a little window and rang the bell for the nurse to collect it. I left the room and my dad was waiting outside, the secretaries were working normally, I had this grin on my face. I just found the whole situation quite humorous.
As my aunt said to my mom, "You guys have such a fancy family. You took the kid all the way to São Paulo so he could jerk off!"
So I went in for freezing my sperm. The place was called The Alpha Project, which sort of sounds like this underground genetic project. They have an awesome office downtown São Paulo and the staff is quite friendly.
After going through the paperwork, they took me to the masturbation room, for the lack of a better term. It's pretty funny... they have a comfy couch in front of a TV, tons of erotic magazines and DVDs. They hand you this little cup and say "give 'er".
I found it a little bit embarrassing, in a funny way. I walked in the clinic with my dad, this 50 year old lady took me to the masturbation room, I spanked the monkey pretty good and finished in a little cup. Then I put the cup on a little window and rang the bell for the nurse to collect it. I left the room and my dad was waiting outside, the secretaries were working normally, I had this grin on my face. I just found the whole situation quite humorous.
As my aunt said to my mom, "You guys have such a fancy family. You took the kid all the way to São Paulo so he could jerk off!"
quinta-feira, 4 de dezembro de 2008
Day 6 - São Paulo
On Monday my dad and I flew to São Paulo. We arrived there around 11am and headed to my dad's friend's house. It's hard to explain how big that city is; no cab ride takes less than 30 minutes and costs lasts than 50 bucks.
The good thing about São Paulo is that it has top-notch services. I went to one of the best hospitals in South America (Albert Einstein Hostpital) to see a doctor about my condition. My dad's friend (whose house we stayed at) is one of the hospital's director, so he managed to arrange for us to see one of Brazil's top hematologists. We wanted to touch base with him to make sure that the treatment was pointing to the right direction. He is not only a great doctor, but a great person. He was very kind, comforting, and honest in the conversation we had. He essentially confirmed everything my doctor from Manaus had done and added a couple of things.
First thing he recommended was to perform an exam called Pet-CT. This exam will be used to monitor the disease. It's really funky. First, they inject some radioactive material in me, which highlights the areas of my body with high concentration of glucose. Since tumors consume lots of glucose, high concentrations indicate the presence of tumors. Then, they do a full-body computer tomography to map all the possible tumors. Pretty cool, I think.
The second thing the doctor recommended was for me to freeze my sperm, just in case the chemotherapy affects my reproductive system (not an expected side-effect, but a possible one). That way I can have babies in the future, in case my sperm count goes down dramatically. The doctor also ordered an independent analysis of my lymphonode biopsy and bone marrow biopsy, just to confirm the Hodgkin's disease diagnostic, which turned out to be accurate.
It was great to see how good the health infrastructure is here. More importantly, though, it was truly reassuring to see that, despite the simplicity of the hospitals in Manaus, the doctors that are doing the right thing.
The good thing about São Paulo is that it has top-notch services. I went to one of the best hospitals in South America (Albert Einstein Hostpital) to see a doctor about my condition. My dad's friend (whose house we stayed at) is one of the hospital's director, so he managed to arrange for us to see one of Brazil's top hematologists. We wanted to touch base with him to make sure that the treatment was pointing to the right direction. He is not only a great doctor, but a great person. He was very kind, comforting, and honest in the conversation we had. He essentially confirmed everything my doctor from Manaus had done and added a couple of things.
First thing he recommended was to perform an exam called Pet-CT. This exam will be used to monitor the disease. It's really funky. First, they inject some radioactive material in me, which highlights the areas of my body with high concentration of glucose. Since tumors consume lots of glucose, high concentrations indicate the presence of tumors. Then, they do a full-body computer tomography to map all the possible tumors. Pretty cool, I think.
The second thing the doctor recommended was for me to freeze my sperm, just in case the chemotherapy affects my reproductive system (not an expected side-effect, but a possible one). That way I can have babies in the future, in case my sperm count goes down dramatically. The doctor also ordered an independent analysis of my lymphonode biopsy and bone marrow biopsy, just to confirm the Hodgkin's disease diagnostic, which turned out to be accurate.
It was great to see how good the health infrastructure is here. More importantly, though, it was truly reassuring to see that, despite the simplicity of the hospitals in Manaus, the doctors that are doing the right thing.
quarta-feira, 3 de dezembro de 2008
Day 5 - Relaxing
On Sunday I didn't really do that much. I woke up late, watched some Premier League action in bed and headed to Raquel's grandparents' for lunch, who are very sweet. Food there is always delicious so it was hard for me to behave; I had no option but to go for a second serving and eating not healthy, It was stronger than me! Who am I kidding, I felt no guilt or whatsoever.
In the afternoon Raquel and I went home, she took a nap and I watched some soccer. Mom prepared a very nice dinner with salmon and everything (ok, west-coast snobs... salmon is sort of rare here!), this one was super healthy. After that we headed to a restaurant to meet up with a bunch of friends, just to organize our secret santa party.
After that I went home to pack for my trip to São Paulo. Dad and I went there to get a second opinion about my disease and treatment. Raquel kindly drove us to the airport around 1am, but the flight was delayed and didn't leave until 4am. Now I know what they mean by red-eye flight.
Sorry for the lack of exciting news or somehow inspiring messages... ;)
I won't bend. I won't break.
In the afternoon Raquel and I went home, she took a nap and I watched some soccer. Mom prepared a very nice dinner with salmon and everything (ok, west-coast snobs... salmon is sort of rare here!), this one was super healthy. After that we headed to a restaurant to meet up with a bunch of friends, just to organize our secret santa party.
After that I went home to pack for my trip to São Paulo. Dad and I went there to get a second opinion about my disease and treatment. Raquel kindly drove us to the airport around 1am, but the flight was delayed and didn't leave until 4am. Now I know what they mean by red-eye flight.
Sorry for the lack of exciting news or somehow inspiring messages... ;)
I won't bend. I won't break.
Day 4 - The (official) Birthday Party
Saturday was a fun day. I woke up late, had a nice lunch with my parents and my sweetheart and then headed to a friend's house. A bunched of us played soccer all day... on Playstation! At night all my friends came over to my place for the real birthday party (the one after the first chemo session was just a warm-up). Since I live in an apartment building with my parents, we had the party downstairs, in a large room they have there. It was really nice, we hired a buffet, we had live music and a bunch of people showed up.
Among the guests, we had a bunch of my parents' friends, including my doctor (who actually removed my stitches from the biopsy at the party). We also had a bunch of friends from highschool that I hadn't seen in ages. Everyone knew of my condition beforehand, though... which brings me to the point of this post.
Let me just tell you something that happened last week, I think it's very appropriate. My mom has 6 siblings and she gets along with them all, except for one: the youngest sister, who ended up loosing touch with the entire family for reasons not worth mentioning. She hadn't spoken to my mom in years; I don't even know any of her kids, my cousins (the oldest one is 15). However, as soon as she found out about my disease, she called my mom in tears. She also called everyone else in the family she had fought with, as an attempt to apologize and get back in touch.
My old friends didn't all show up for my birthday last year, but they did last week. My aunt hadn't spoken to most people on her family for ages, but she did last week. What was so special about last week? I believe my old friends and my aunt were terrified by the briefness of life and the possibility of my life being even briefer, in case I don't beat Cancer. That made them get back that urgency of living, of getting back in touch, of making up for the long family fight. And that is a beautiful side-effect of Cancer.
As a good friend of mine put on an email, "reminders of our own mortality can be good for life. It reminds us that no matter how long you last, life is brief". I hope that you don't need to go through a serious disease to feel that, I hope my story helps you feel that. Cancer has not only changed how I see life, but also, and much more importantly, how I will live my life from now on. And that I will never resent.
I will not bend and I will not break.
Among the guests, we had a bunch of my parents' friends, including my doctor (who actually removed my stitches from the biopsy at the party). We also had a bunch of friends from highschool that I hadn't seen in ages. Everyone knew of my condition beforehand, though... which brings me to the point of this post.
Let me just tell you something that happened last week, I think it's very appropriate. My mom has 6 siblings and she gets along with them all, except for one: the youngest sister, who ended up loosing touch with the entire family for reasons not worth mentioning. She hadn't spoken to my mom in years; I don't even know any of her kids, my cousins (the oldest one is 15). However, as soon as she found out about my disease, she called my mom in tears. She also called everyone else in the family she had fought with, as an attempt to apologize and get back in touch.
My old friends didn't all show up for my birthday last year, but they did last week. My aunt hadn't spoken to most people on her family for ages, but she did last week. What was so special about last week? I believe my old friends and my aunt were terrified by the briefness of life and the possibility of my life being even briefer, in case I don't beat Cancer. That made them get back that urgency of living, of getting back in touch, of making up for the long family fight. And that is a beautiful side-effect of Cancer.
As a good friend of mine put on an email, "reminders of our own mortality can be good for life. It reminds us that no matter how long you last, life is brief". I hope that you don't need to go through a serious disease to feel that, I hope my story helps you feel that. Cancer has not only changed how I see life, but also, and much more importantly, how I will live my life from now on. And that I will never resent.
I will not bend and I will not break.
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